R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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