So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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