Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
