Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
