mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
