I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
