I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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