Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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