I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
