you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
