I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize