One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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