I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
40s are totally the cure
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
