I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
