It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
