I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
