just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
