I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
