I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
