I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
