Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
