Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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