perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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