if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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