You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
