Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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