I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
