I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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