My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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