I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
