would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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