You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
