The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
