the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
