Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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