highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
