I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
