If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
