So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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