so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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