it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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