He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
