Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
areolas are like halos for boobs.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
