Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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