I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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