I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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