My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
honey bunches of taint.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
