Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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