I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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