I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
