dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
