Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
