She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
