I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
