My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
