I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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