Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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