o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he thought i was a dude.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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