I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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