dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
