I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
