but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
