sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
