Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
