apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
