Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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